Dealing with a Gluten Eating Family
Going gluten free can be hard enough, but a gluten free diet can be twice as hard when you feel you are going it alone. Family can be hard to deal with at this time. Even the most well meaning family members can sometimes be insensitive or uninformed when it comes to helping you stick to your new diet.
This can be the cause of huge amounts of conflict, but it doesn't need to be. Lets take some time to explore the types of opposition you may encounter, and how to deal with them.
The Gluten Free Clueless
This family member tries very hard and is well meaning, but just doesn't get it. They are the ones that hand you a cookie and then say, “Oops, you may not want to eat that.” as you put it in your mouth. They are also the ones that make a separate batch of spaghetti for you, but stir and serve it with the same spoon as the regular spaghetti.
Their good intentions and sweet attempts can lead you to feel bad about being frustrated. They are not trying to sabotage you, so the last thing you want to do is come on with both guns blazing and set them straight. Inaction is just as bad. You can feel the seeds of distrust growing. You start to second guess everything from this person. In all reality, that's not a good situation either. So, what is one to do?
In my case, I had to take a bit of a tough love approach. Anytime there was a meal to be cooked, I was right there with gentle reminders about cross contamination. At one point I even went through the cabinets ahead of time to scout out the things that were gluten free. That way when something was offered I knew whether I should accept it or not. I also employed subtle reminders of, “Have you checked the ingredients yet, or should I?”
These little nudges really made a difference with my gluten free clueless family, hopefully you can have the same kind of success.
The Gluten Free Disbeliever
This is the family member who will look right at you and say, “Maybe you just need to go to the doctor to find out what's really wrong.” It's not that they aren't supportive, they just don't believe in the whole “gluten thing”. After all, everyone eats this stuff and if it were bad we would know about it. They might imply that your symptoms are imaginary, or just deny your plight altogether.
It may not seem like it, but this is the easiest type of person to deal with. The answer here is an absolute deluge of information. These people need to know that Celiac Disease and gluten intolerance are very real things. Hand them as many facts and figures as you can and if that doesn't work, hand them some more. Here are some great resources to start with.
If your disbelieving family member still won't come around after seeing the facts you can invite them to see the specialist with you. Sometimes people just need to hear things from a professional for them to be real.
The Gluten Free Hostility
This one is tough. It can be very hurtful when someone you love is downright hostile toward you. This can show itself in many forms. You may be called a liar, be seen as crazy or just given dirty looks from across the room. Depending on how strong the hostility is, they may even try to “sabotage” your diet to prove a point. This is the person who you hear muttering things like, “Oh, you know the drama queen.” under their breath.
This kind of venom stings, but in most cases the problem is not with you. It is possible there is more going on here that meets the eye. Celiac Disease is hereditary, is it possible that this person shares some of your symptoms and is in denial? Have you had run ins with this person in the past?
The information route may work here, but if the person is set in their ways, it may not. Open communication is always recommended in families, but again, if their mind is made up there is very little you can do. Try talking to another family member and enlisting their help in the situation.
In the end, you may have no choice but to distance yourself from this person until things cool down. Their sabotage and venom can endanger your health and raise your stress level. It may hurt and sadden you to do so, but hopefully with time even the most hostile family member will see that your gluten free diet is not meant to offend them and they will come around.
Honorary Gluten Free Elite
I've saved the best for last here. This person is so amazing that they might as well be going on the diet with you. These are people who do research, help you shop, become cross contamination police and change their own eating habits to make your life easier.
These people are fairly rare, but I sincerely hope you have at least one in your life. Return their love in any way you can and consider them the truest of friends. A trophy or two wouldn't hurt either.
Regardless of your family's reactions, remember that you have a responsibility to yourself and your health. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Read labels openly and loudly. The best way to bring any type of family member around is to remain confident in your decisions. Be open about your gluten free status without shoving it in everyone else's face. Your family loves you, gluten free or not, and they will come around.
