What Not to do for Your First Gluten Free Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful, to reflect on life's blessings and really appreciate what life has to offer. This year, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a fantastic family, wonderful friends, a career I'm passionate about... The list goes on and on. All in all, I'd have to say that the thing I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving is that I will never again have to have the dreaded First Gluten Free Thanksgiving!

It was only last September that I finally took the plunge and went gluten free. November follows September pretty quickly, and brought with it the knowledge that “the whole gluten free thing” counted on holidays too! The entire holiday became a personal disaster for me. One that, due to a year of experience and countless hours of research, has now been colored with the smirk of humor that comes with wondering, did I really do that?

If this is your first gluten free Thanksgiving, I sincerely hope you are not the ball of nerves that I was. If you are, my warmest sympathies go out to you, as well as some tips to help get you through. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes, and have a Thanksgiving worth remembering.

Avoid Emotional Denial

One of the biggest issues with Thanksgiving last year was that I was an emotional wreck. I was grieving over the loss of my free and easy eating habits, but ashamed of my grief. I kept telling myself, “This is silly, it's just food. There's nothing to be upset about.” My absolute refusal to let myself feel sad left me on a constant roller coaster of grief and shame. Yes, I was the crazy woman crying in the bathroom and then insisting through red rimmed eyes and runny nose that everything was fine. I snapped at people who were trying to help and shut myself off from the joy of the day.

First off, it's not just food! People who are new to a gluten free diet have every right to feel sad. From the beginning of our lives we are taught to depend on food, to trust it. We turn to food in times of stress, to celebrate our joy, we literally depend on food for our very survival! It feels like a bit of a betrayal to find out that the food we have depended on is what is making us sick.

Add to that the fact that a gluten free diet is not easy. Such stringent restrictions on what we can eat constantly set us apart. We have to deal with strange looks from people who don't understand and be constantly vigilant about what goes on in every kitchen. We have every right to mourn a little bit for the fact that life has been drastically and permanently altered.

That being said, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to feel. Holding it all in puts a cap on your emotions and closes you off inside. The act of releasing the sadness will open you up to feeling the joy as well.

Carry Your Own Rolls and Gravy

In all honesty, showing up to the Thanksgiving feast without the essentials is like being the third wheel on a date with your ex and their new fling. It is a recipe for loneliness and resentment. It may seem petty, but aren't we all a little petty when we are starving while watching a feast?

Half of what upset me so much last year was that it was very hard for me to be as thankful as I should be with a plate of dry turkey and mashed potatoes. I laugh now to think about how much I resented the very gravy boat for the fact that it contained poison. I looked at it and dreamed of dashing it against the wall in a scene worthy of a Saturday Night Live sketch.

I've learned that this situation is easily avoided by not being the third wheel. Make sure you bring your own date...or gravy. Rolls are just as important. It's a simple case of not sweating the small stuff. If the little details are under control then the big stuff doesn't seem so big.

Don't be so Stubborn!

I am blushing as I write this article. It is embarrassing to look back and see how hard I made things, not only for myself, but everyone around me. I share these stories in the hope that you are laughing more than identifying...

It happened over and over again last year during the planning of the Thanksgiving feast. Someone would mention a dish they were planning to bring and my first thought was, “What about me!?” I so stubbornly held on to the stoic façade I was trying to project that I just let the thought stew in my head. Here we were, making preparations to spend the day as a family (a BIG family) and give thanks together and I was acting like a child!

If I had it to do again (which, in a way I do this year) I would have offered easy suggestions for making the recipes gluten free. In most cases it was only a matter of simple substitution. Instead, I sat back, feeling hurt and left out. In spite of the fact that people were asking for ways to make my life easier, I was too stubborn to let them help. I told myself I was being noble and not wanting to put them out, which is only partially true. The full truth is that my emotional denial coupled with a natural stubborn streak would not allow me to be any different than anyone else.

Time to face facts. I am different. I get very sick when I eat gluten. If you are like I was, stubbornly denying this fact, STOP. Allow the people in your life to help care for you, especially if they are asking! Do not allow your stubbornness to make you the lonely one in the corner nibbling on a piece of dry turkey and resenting the rest of the food available.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. This year, I will follow my own advice and do just that. I will think more about the time with family and friends, and less about what is on my plate because this year I am taking control of that plate. My sincerest wish is that all of you can do the same. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and don't forget the rolls!